My Midnight Miracle

I was ready to cry. I was already preparing myself to mourn and express my heartbreak.

It was already past midnight when i decided to bring out my laptop from my bag. I wanted to ignore it. But, there was this nudge i felt that i had to open it.

I never thought i would be sharing this story this way. I was not ready for the surprise.

----
It all started Sunday last week when i woke up. I immediately checked on my computer because i left it open during the night to finish downloading. I clicked on the trackpad, and nothing showed up on the screen. I thought maybe the battery got drained, so i plugged it in. The charger indicated an orange light, so i assumed it was just low batt. A few more minutes, i tried turning it back on again - there was still nothing. No sound, no light indicator, no white screen. I panicked. Just a month ago, i had another laptop trouble with my hard drive failing. I can't afford (financially and emotionally haha) to go through it again, and there were still some things i needed to finish. I waited again. After some time, the charger indicated green, so i assumed it was fully charged. I pressed the power button again. Still, no sign of life. I prayed. Cried. And eventually gave up for the day.

I brought it to the service repair center the next day. There was still no sign of life even though they tried to do some troubleshooting. I left it with them for diagnosis, and anxiously waited for their email regarding the matter.

Thursday arrived and the email came in. I was in shock with the ridiculous amount i had to spend for the repair and replacement. Because there was still no power and anything that appeared on the computer as the engineer checked, they diagnosed my laptop for MLB (macbook logic board - the main thing that keeps the laptop working. it's a major MAJOR part, so if it fails, that's the end of it. and it's very very expensive!) and battery replacement. The cost reached about 36 thousand pesos. Of course i totally freaked out because there's no way i can avail of that repair. I also called in the supplier where i bought my laptop to ask for their opinion. And when i told them about the diagnosis, the reaction i got was - "Oh my gosh, dear! Wala na yan!"

And that was it. They said it would be wiser to buy a new one, since the repair costs like having a new one too. That day was too depressing for me. There was nothing i can do to save it and just accept the reality of it being "dead" and useless. My prayer that day was seeking God for His plan about this. I cannot afford to buy yet a new one. I told myself - "If God let this happen, I'm sure there will be a way out." Even though it was really heartbreaking, i decided to trust God for His plan. "There's no need to rush" was something that i kept on hearing during the anxiety of the moment. And so i just waited.

With the news, i wasn't even looking forward to even claiming back my laptop from the service center. I was thinking that there will be no more use for it since it has no working part anymore. But anyway, i still decided to get it since i wanted to have a "proper closure" (yes, i am too attached like that haha) with it. While at the service center, i was told that even they - being the LEGIT Apple center - do not recommend MLB replacement. There was no assurance that the replaced part would function well and it was really costly to have it done. I asked about what else i can do with the laptop, and they said nothing else but it was already for disposal. Lost hope there again. So i claimed my "dead" laptop, with the hard drive removed because they found out it was still working.

I kept myself busy when i got home, trying to ignore the fact that i have to face my laptop again. It was already past twelve midnight when i decided to take it out from my bag. I brought it out from the bubble wrap pack and just had a sense to open it for the last time. To my greatest surprise, i heard the start-up sound and the white screen appeared. After a while, it went black again. A sign of hope! I turned it on again and again, but during the first few times the screen was just turning to white and then off. Until there was this time that a folder with a question mark appeared blinking on the screen where the Apple logo should be. I immediately thought about the removed hard drive, so i decided to unscrew the back of the laptop and place it back in.

I opened the laptop again and stared at the screen of what seemed like the longest seconds of my life waiting for something to appear. And there it was - the Apple logo and the loading circle. I whispered my first "oh my gosh". It took another while and the log-in screen appeared. I typed in my password and voila - the desktop appeared. Another "OH MY GOSH" moment. I was in total shock of what had just happened. I cannot believe that it FINALLY opened, and when i was going through it, it seemed to work just as fine and normally.

I know there was no other explanation on how it worked aside from the hand of God. There was nothing else that it can be called but a miracle. When there was no other way and means in this world, God has His own. When everything around was hopeless, God renewed my hope in Him.

With what happened, i think God wanted me to believe in miracles again. God wanted to remind me of His presence alive and working in my life. It may be a painful way to experience His reminder, but it was such an amazing revelation to me. I always try to fix things on my own that i depend too much on my abilities and resources. But God suddenly meddles in, taking the lead out of my hand, teaching me to depend solely on Him, and humbling me to rely only in His sovereignty. It gave me a new confidence in putting my trust in Him.

I was too happy last night that i could not even sleep, haha. Indeed all glory goes back to God, and only Him deserves all the praise. Typing this entry and sharing it to the world is an effect of this miracle. I thought i would never be able to see life in this unit again - but PRAISE GOD, His works are beyond our understanding.

THANK YOU, LORD! I DON'T DESERVE THIS BUT YOU STILL DID IT FOR ME. :")
And thank you also for this encouraging word, that i felt it being so much alive in my life right now. Your TRUTH always prevails.

"For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty Savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With His love, He will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs." - Zephaniah 3:17 NLT

#ActsManila on the MOVE!

It has been an eventful first half of the year!

God has been really faithful in answering all of our "Christmas wishes" last year that He really fully-loaded our schedules for this year. Since this year opened, Acts Manila's performances have been one after the other, and we couldn't just be more grateful. Keeping up with what God has in store for us maybe shaking off our schedules, but definitely enjoying every single moment onstage.

Here's a bit of a round-up for what has been happening with Acts Manila (and my life, of course):

Acts Manila in our annual CCP Main Theatre Recital ~ "Once Upon An Ever After", April 24.

"Let it Go" by Chelo Gemina • photo by Tes Tirol

"Ian's Walk" by Jan Manlapig • photo by Tes Tirol

"Esmeralda" by Jun Saagundo • photo by Tes Tirol

..and of course my beloved kiddos who performed so well on that night!

Alice in Wonderland's Mad Hatter, Dormouse, March Hare
The Happy Prince Jewels • The Velveteen Rabbit Children

We were also privileged to be chosen by Ms. Myra Beltran to be part of RE: Rosas ng Maynila at the Bonifacio High Street for the International Dance Day celebration, April 27. It was an amazing experience to perform the iconic "Rosas danst Rosas" choreography by Anne Teresa de Keersmaeker.

photo from Jem Rodriguez

photo from Jem Rodriguez

Check out the video here, uploaded by Ms. Myra Beltran:

Acts Manila's out of town assignment last June 4-6: MICE Conference at Fontana in Clark, Pampanga. It was a new kind of experience - from the preparations, rehearsals, to the actual performance itself! We got to dance in sync with video effects through the hologram screen and LED projection, something I thought only exists in YouTube, hehe. Watch our "Brand New Day" performance video with the Ryan Cayabyab Singers here and the closing ceremony performance with the LED projection effects here!

late night rehearsals..

..to early morning call time! (as in 6am early!!)

all dressed up in line with the theme!

Another main highlight was out trip to Laos ~ June 11-16! We performed for the Philippine Embassy's 116th Independence Day Celebration. Thank you to Her Excellency Ambassador Lumen Isleta for giving us the privilege to represent our country there.

Acts Manila's "Madamira & Sarumbanggi" as part of the Filipino repertoire • photo by Gerry Gemina

Acts Manila with Ambassador Lumen Isleta

being presented to the VIP guests • photo by Tes Tirol

conducted a workshop for the kids from the Filipino community in Laos

also performed for the students of the Laos School of Music and Dance (they really have big stages, i tell you)

And of course, we did not miss out on experiencing the wonders of the city!

Acts Manila at the Patuxai Victory Monument • photo by Gerry Gemina

on tourist mode

no regrets for all these ice cream goodness (whooops!)

of course, shopping! even if they don't have malls, we had great deals on the night market ;)

We also had performances for churches and SM Malls. (and there will be another on July 26 at SM Southmall for their Jeans Month celebration)

for CCF Alabang's Easter service • photo from Jem Rodriguez

here's one from SM Sta. Rosa performance, June 28 • photo from Julia Morados

And finally for our next BIG THING!
Acts Manila's 3rd company show happening this August 24 ~ "MOVE!" at the CCP Little Theatre, 6pm. We will be featuring new choreographies, with special guest performance by Acts Manila alumna (now with the Pennsylvania Ballet), Sarah Grace Lee. Save the date!

See you in our next performances! We are definitely on the MOVE! ;)
For updates, you may visit our website at www.actsmanila.com or through our Acts Manila Facebook page.

time flies, or maybe skyrockets

ola, i would like to say thank you because, despite of me being very much inactive in updating this blog, i've still been getting even a few views every now and then. thank you for keeping my only space alive, weeeee. :")

i can't believe April is almost done. since my last update, i just bid goodbye to 2013 and welcomed 2014. it seems i just wrote it a few weeks ago, but in truth it feels like ages since then. saying that so much has happened since then is an understatement. it has been a wildly hectic first quarter of the year. (i was sick for the whole month of March, with fever coming and going, and then again + lost my voice, and not to mention there was one night i woke up throwing up! spell PAGOD!) with weekdays and weekends fully-loaded, i felt time was just passing me by. days went by too fast as things get done a day at a time. i felt that with more things i get done, the more the days are going by before me. i knew there was enough time before me, but i felt like i was running out of it.

nevertheless, there are so many things that i'm grateful for. still being on the first quarter of the year, i've had faith goals achieved already. prayers have been answered. plans have been confirmed. God has been teaching me to live according to His timetable. right now it seems that i've been being taken too fast, but when i look into His answers, those have been long-time goals and prayers. it might have taken me too long to receive His answers, but it was the right time to receive them. i would not have learned on how to hold on to Him tighter and trusted in Him deeper if i had received those answers right away. time might have passed by already waiting for God's responses, but i felt progress and growth. none of these i would have realized if things just came in an instant.

during one of our life 101 sessions after rehearsals, i received this word from Shek about time. that i should not think of it running out, or coming in too fast. that i should take it a day at a time, enjoying the "now". there are days when i really get very very very impatient, and some days that i feel like i'm being dragged on to get by. time can consume and control us, but we can choose to enjoy and live by it. it is really hard for me to keep waiting, for being the organized OC that i am, i have a lot on my mental to-do list that needs to be ticked. waiting may sometimes be the hardest part, but the lesson is there. it is not mainly on the goal, but the process.

i might wake up tomorrow realizing it's already September. but hey, there are still a lot of days in between now and then. there are still more days to enjoy and look forward to (and yes, more hectic days ahead). i seriously want time to pause for a while and let me catch up. but it waits for no one; either you seize the day or regret it. in God's timing, He will never take us too slow nor too fast. it will always be the right time for us. it will always be better to look into His timing and hold on to His speed rather than relying on the calendar's turn.

it's Friday today, wow it's the weekend already??

PS. i also celebrated my birthday last week, turning a year older huhu. but i'm blessed to be 24. it may sound old by now (and it feels like it too!), but i can't be more grateful that i am where i am right now at this age. i still have a long way to go, but i know i've gone far enough already by this time. God has been faithful; He has loved me for 24 years and has never left my side, imagine that?!

birthday cake + balloons + flowers and a gorgeous portrait
from my Acts Manila family :")

what a surprise, surprise from Acts Manila! 

Dear 2013

when i started this year with the faith goal of facing it "bravely", i seriously had no idea how i would do it. i had no idea what i was up to. the challenges you had for me. the fears i would be facing. the ways on how i would be dealing with courage. in that moment i just thought, well, this is a good assignment to take on for the year. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

now looking back, i never thought accepting that challenge would be my first "bravery" act. being the OC that i am, i always prefer to know details before giving my yes. but with this, blinded and taking everything by faith, i just went on with it. i'm glad i did. yes, i'm glad that i started the year willing to take risks and just let God lead me through. well, so we've got a good start there huh, haha.

i'm thankful that you've taken me beyond my limits, my capabilities, and most importantly beyond my fears. your year may not have been the best one, nor the worst, but you've been like one of those "necessary measures" that i had to take to be able to become better, stronger, more equipped and prepared. going through this journey, you've made me realize what else i can do and who i can still be. you've given me instances ranging from easy-peasy to ultimately heart-breaking that proved my courage. you've brought me to mourning day and night, but i've seen more of God's love holding me on. oh 2013 you've never been easy; truly tough, but the results are worth going through those pains.

you've taught me how to face my fears, and now i've never been as encouraged to deal with them. you've brought me to a deep loss, yet you've showed me what else i have to look after. you've given me a lot, but you also took away, keeping me reminded that things will come and go. you've shown me worthy ones to keep and those whom will stand by me no matter what. most of all, you've proven that God will be forever faithful - in the highs and lows, in joy and in tears, in abundance and in emptiness.

i'm grateful to where you've taken me in this life's journey. your chapter may have already been done, but i will forever carry those lessons you've had for me. you have brought change in my life that i am grateful for and growth that would prove how i'll be standing in the future storms. i may not be completely fear-free, but definitely fearless in dealing with them. courage has proven its existence in my life, and being brave will now be part of dealing whatever this life has to offer.

THANK YOU, 2013! you've made me conquer fears and take on bravery. faith goal achieved! your life lessons will definitely come in handy this new season. i am now more confident in facing 2014, with God's promises of "new" things.

"But forget all that - it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland." ~ Isaiah 43:18-19 NLT

adios, 2013 - OLA 2014!
CHEERS FOR THE NEW YEAR, NEW BREAKTHROUGHS!

#bravery2013: the AGP week

it has been a month since the AGP week. i really wanted to blog about the whole experience while we were there, but actually until now i still cannot describe how amazing it was. it's like you have to be there to fully understand what i mean, hehe. but well yeah, the least i can do to "bring" you there with me is to share about it. so here i am, recalling that whole week a month ago, which still seems to me like it was just.. last week.

i still cannot get over the overwhelming fact that i've been there in Hong Kong to go through the Asian Grand Prix. so many times i've srsly wished that it would just be a "pleasure" trip of just shopping, going around, relaxing in a different city, and all that tourist thingy. even though that was what i really wanted to do, i know it won't be as memorable. those shopping and #RealLifeHK adventures were just "side features" of an already remarkable trip.

and as you've read on my previous entries (in case you haven't, do it like NOW before you proceed! hehe joke lang but GO), taking on to this assignment was more than having my first competition experience. it was really a gesture of me conquering my fears. going through the process was tougher than actually dancing on the competition stage. seeing my competitors was less frightening than facing the finances i would have to complete to be able to leave. and when i finally got there, i really couldn't hold my tears back anymore realizing how God has brought me to such a height just to mold me to become better. there was nothing that can ever stop me anymore from fulfilling what He has called me to do.

the Acts Manila team upon arrival at the Hong Kong airport

so anyway. we arrived a day before the actual competition date, giving us enough time to settle in, rest, and go around. since our (senior division) competition wasn't until Thursday (we arrived Monday), we had like 3 days of "freedom", hehe. we went to Mongkok on Monday - first stop was H&M! Tuesday, we decided to check out Cotton On in the Central district, but we got lost in those huge stores of Louis Vuitton, Tiffany & Co., Georgio Armani.. you name it. so we ended up going straight to our main destination in Causeway Bay - Forever21! 4 floors of shopping heaven that we had to go through in a limited time, haha. and since the competition officially opened Tuesday, we were at the Y-Theater that evening to support the Junior As - Lormaigne, Pia, Claire, and Alex for their elimination round. it was my first time to see those foreign competitors and whoa those kids, it's amazing what they can already do at ages 10-12! when i was their age, my dancing was still just for "fun" and something i do at the sides, but with them it seems like they were already born for it. and mind you, that wasn't only for the girls, but there were boys too who were serious about their dancing as well! i wonder where they get it at that age? (their dedication, i mean. and maybe also their extensive abilities too good for their age hahaha)

at the Y-Theatre, AGP competition venue

the most convenient transportation in HK - the MTR!
no hassle in getting to the theatre + back to the hotel, and we didn't get lost when we went around to shop -
follow the stations and remember the exits, haha!

we woke up Wednesday morning with the news that HK is under typhoon signal number 8. we should be panicking, right? but maybe since because we were raised in the Philippines, we were really wondering, "eto na yung signal number 8?! eh mas-malakas pa low pressure area satin dito eh!" yeah, i still don't understand how they "measure" their typhoons, but srsly they were too cautious about the effects it might bring. we've gathered that before they had a really bad typhoon that they weren't warned about and they were badly damaged. i guess they learned from that and became more prepared, better than being sorry. (i wonder kelan kaya mangyayari yun in the Philippines? after so manyyyyyyy typhoons, wala pa ring "lesson learned"?!) so anyway, since it was typhoon 8, there were work suspensions and some closed stores. even the competition schedule for the day had to be adjusted. we had to stay in the whole morning, waiting for announcements about the typhoon and the final schedule for the day. around 2pm, they lifted the typhoon 8 signal and lowered it, thus allowing some work to resume and the competition to proceed as well. good thing the only division scheduled for that day was the Junior B, no other major adjustment except that the whole thing would end later than the original schedule. there were over 70 competitors for that division, having 3 batches, where Steffi, Abby, Kiara, Bianchi, Joshua, Danina, and Iñigo competed from our group. watching that division, i became more nervous for me, haha! expectations were becoming higher as the competitors get older, and srsly they're all so technically good - thin and loooooong bodies with BOTH extensions and turns! though there were good ones, there were really meh (aka not-so-good) ones too. watching the competition enabled me to gain a "technical" eye, seeing what we can still possibly push ourselves to do and improve.

the Junior Bs - Steffi, Abby, Kiara, and Bianchi

and our turn has finally arrived - Thursday. we had to prepare early to leave for the theatre a little after lunch. our competition schedule came in right after Junior C, so too bad we weren't able to watch that division, where Carla, Patricia, Cheska, Sofia, and Jayson competed. so anyway. we had our own warm up class and rehearsal at the studio. then we were called to finally come down to the theatre. we had 15 minutes to "feel" the stage before we start. i say only "feel" because everyone's there too and you won't have the luxury of space to complete the variation. it was only enough to look for center, where to spot, determine where to go. not even block completely, haha. so anyway. while waiting at wings, i was really praying in tongues the whole time because i can't manage my nerves anymore, haha. i get more nervous while waiting. when it was finally my turn, all i was able to tell myself was, "and to my fears, i'm gonna conquer you now."

with Shek and Melvin during our studio rehearsal before our competition turn!

there was nothing spectacular that i did with my variation, and it didn't even feel perfect afterwards. i didn't slip either, miss a step, or even had a bad ending. all i felt right after was that i was drained. i was soooo tired that i just wanted to leave the theatre right away, dive in bed, and sleep in the hotel. that kind of tired. but all i know after i exited the stage, i was able to fulfill what God has called me to do. and with that, i felt satisfied. all i was able to say was, "thank you, Lord!" as i was catching my breath. i felt i gave Him glory for completing the task that was assigned for me. too many times along the way, i kept forgetting why i was competing and thus letting myself drown in frustrations. but after that moment, i knew i was able accomplish why i was there. and to my fears, i know i've WON over them! by the grace of God.. all because of the grace of God i conquered!

i didn't get through eliminations, so that was the only competition day for me. i felt sad though that i didn't get to perform my second variation, Dryad Queen from Don Quixote (i did Bluebird variation from Sleeping Beauty for eliminations), and even wear my beautiful tutu for that. :( anyway. with what i've realized from being on the competition itself, expectations do really get higher with age. i was the oldest girl from our division (being the last to perform). and since there were younger dancers (and some were waaaaay better - ehem, Joy Womack, 19, from Bolshoi Theatre!), they'd assume i've danced and trained the longest, thus having more expectations from my performance. and that also, dancers who perform more often have an edge in executing cleaner and more refined variations.

our only (and not really clear huhuhu) photo with Joy Womack, the American dancer from Bolshoi Theatre!
she won the highest / over-all Asian Grand Prix Award for this year :")

we were then on a "relax" mode Friday, since we don't have to feel the competition pressure anymore for ourselves, haha. we watched the master classes the next day, for Junior B and Seniors, and the semi-final round too. after, we went back to Mongkok to finally buy some things we weren't able to buy the first time since we were saving our money, haha. we also got to try some legit milk tea + some street food. we indeed went to being adventurous that day, haha. and of course, adventures won't be complete without a hilarious moment at the MTR (clue: Jimmy Neutron hahahahaha). for Saturday, we were back to the theatre in the morning for Junior C's master class, their semi-final round, and the final round for the Junior A. and thennnn, returned to a bigger H&M for more shopping, hahaha. (basically we were in the theatre the whole week, seeing classical variations over and over again. i swear i don't want to hear Swan Lakes Pas de Trois variation over the next year. Aurora is next in line haha).

the most epic Friday Mongkok Adventure - shopping + food + the hilarious MTR moment :))
this wins the most tourist-y thing we've done the whole week, hahaha!

and for Sunday, since there was no other agenda but the Gala and Awarding ceremony at night, Shek and i took the advantage of finally sleeping in the whole morning. for lunch, we finally tried their instant noodles from the Wellcome grocery that we've been wanting to experience the whole week hahaha! so anyway, for the Gala night, they showcased previous AGP winners and the principal dancers from the Hong Kong Ballet. and then the awarding came in right after. we had two entries who made it to the final round, Lormaigne and Pia from Junior A, so we were nervous about the results too. it gave me such pride when the Filipino competitors were commended during the speech of the Head Judge, Mr. Gary Tninder. he mentioned something about how they got entertained by the Filipinos the whole week performing with such talent and passion. (there are a lot of Filipino delegates who also participated from Ballet Manila, Steps, and even other ballet schools from the provinces - Cebu, Iloilo, and Baguio. yeah Filipino pride!) but the pride that i felt that's more dear to me was when Pia got announced placing 5th and Lormaigne for the bronze medal - Acts Manila pride, baby! being the youngest in our group, God has blessed them with a reward for using their talents to represent Him and glorify Him in this stage. Soli Deo Gloria! :")

Lormaigne and Pia before their turn for the Junior A finals

the Acts Manila team during the Gala Night / Awarding Ceremony

indeed that week brought me to new experiences, insights, and visions. seeing dancers from other countries enabled me to rethink of my standards and push for my limits, both as a dancer and as a teacher. being there myself is so much different from just hearing about competition stories. when they first came from there in 2011, what Teacher Chelo has been sharing about the mutants seem insignificant, probably because we didn't get to personally see them. but now they are finally real to me because i've already experienced what they can do. being around them pushes you to aim higher and makes you realize that pwede pa pala to, kaya pang gawin!

and with the competition process, i know i became stronger and more importantly, braver. i couldn't imagine any other way where i can experience God working in this area. and all the events that led to this has helped me face my fears with more determination to conquer them. God has been truly faithful, and there's no way i can doubt Him again after what He has done for me this round. no matter what happens, His words will remain true and His promises are always fulfilled.

if i were to do this again.. maybe. if God would then call me to compete, who am i to say no?

"For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world.. so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, 'Let the one who boasts, boasts in the Lord.'" - 1 Corinthians 1:26-31 ESV

the week that has finally arrived

..and i never thought i would reach this far.

me and Shek on the plane bound for HK!

TOUCHDOWN HK! :)

Monday, August 12 - we arrived here in Hong Kong for the Asian Grand Prix competition that will open Tuesday, August 13. the week that we have been preparing for monthsssss is finally culminating. and in that journey, bittersweet it may seem, God has been truly faithful.

as i've previously shared on this blog, God has given me this assignment to be able to face and conquer my fears. and now the time has come to overcome them onstage. God has already fulfilled His part of answering for all of my needs in this journey. now, i'm holding on to His word that as i finally conquer the stage, His hand won't leave me until the end.

yes, i am so nervous. yes, i am still frightened. yes, i still feel that i am not good enough.
but God being the faithful God that He is, has been giving me strength and courage that i would need. i used to wish for this to be over as soon, but now that the end is approaching, all the more i'm cherishing every single moment there is. this has been a one-of-a-kind experience for me, not only because it is my first, but God has really proven His love and greater plans for me.

i wonder how this will end.
no matter what competition result i would get, i would still be thankful i went through this.
that no matter what happens, i would still be so grateful to have witnessed God's greatness in my life.
because i went through this, i know i've already glorified my God. :")

celebrating not just birth, but a full life

today, you would have been 56. another year would have been added to your precious life, with more days to be able to continue the fight and live honoring God. it would have been another special day to be grateful of renewed hopes and unfailing mercies that He would be faithful in pulling you through.

but no. His precious plan for you was to already be with Him - free from pain, completely healed from your sickness, and receiving that eternal honor to be praising Him face to face. my heart is at peace knowing that instead of celebrating this day in bed, struggling and crying in deep pain, you will finally rejoice in heaven that He has given you a life worth remembering here on earth.

it hasn't been easy since you've been gone July 18. i still think about you being just there in Lola's house; though away from me, but still present. i still can't imagine you being completely gone, that i dread the day of visiting there and not see you. and i don't even know how to face this day - your special day, without being with you.

Mama, if you were alive right now, i'd still wish for you to be completely healed, restored in your physical strength, and able to go through your normal routines. but i guess the answer to our prayers was way better than that. it may be really hard to accept, like how death could be the best way out of pain for you, but i know you are in better hands. i am thankful for the strength and faith you had. for those times that you said you wanted to give up already, you still showed willingness to fight to live for another day. through you, i have found true courage and bravery. your life was all i needed to watch in order for me to know how to face my fears and live resting in His love. you could have done more in 56 years, or greater, but your 55 years were already so full for you've shown us how to live this life.

i miss you, Mama. more and more everyday.
i don't think a "happy birthday" would fit anymore, hehe. can i just say..

THANK YOU FOR LIVING YOUR LIFE LOVING US.
WE CELEBRATE BECAUSE YOU HAVE GIVEN US THE BEST OF YOU.
I LOOOOOVE YOU! :")

the journey to #bravery2013

AAAAAND IT IS FINALLY CONFIRMED!

surreal, yes, it's still surreal. legit, but surreal.

i received this confirmation email a few hours ago after having our forms submitted straight in HK through Shek's mom. i still can't believe that i'm really gonna be competing this August, that i will in fact BRAVE it. God has been so faithful to me for the past weeks, leading me to be at peace with the thought of competition. He first provided for my plane fare + registration fee (just out of nowhere!), and then giving me an assurance of being able to nail those Italian fouettes (during my birthday, indeed wish granted!). even during rehearsals today, i was able to finish the fouettes in 3 consecutive runs of the variation. sige na talaga, surrender na ako kay God!

God is taking me further and beyond my limits this year. going through this is really a major MAJOR breakthrough for me. and it hasn't been easy. i've been down for so many times, my body has been failing too, and i've been really tight with my finances now, knowing the costs i need to cover. looking into it from my own point of view, i know i won't make it. i will tremble in fear and drown in frustrations. but my God is greater than all these, and since He was the one who directed me onto this path, i know He will not forsake me.

and as Teacher Chelo would say, the PROCESS is the most important prize. and i believe God has far more rewards for me than just the medals and titles. so here's to a journey of bravery - of conquering fears and increasing in faith, of experiencing fulfilled promises! let's do this together, my Lord!

"So do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. 
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand." 

- Isaiah 41:10

Scripture reassures us, "No one who trusts God like this - heart and soul - will ever regret it."

..the same God for all of us, acting the same incredibly generous way to everyone who calls out for help. 
"Everyone who calls 'Help, God!' gets help."

- Romans 10:11-13, MSG

PS. please keep me in your prayers. it would really help a lot and i would be forever grateful. <3 a total of 13 or 14 will be going from our camp to compete, so please include them as well. Acts Manila represent, woo! :")

i promise..

..to update this blog very soon.

i just suddenly missed blogging today, and i've realized i haven't written anything for quite a long time now. :( i am sorry. i promise to update this soon, as i've been experiencing good stuff worth writing about! and like last year, i will write about the first book i've read, which is really inspiring my year. and yeah, the first haircut for this year! (clue: i braved trying one something new again, hihi. it may not be a big deal to you, but yeah it is for me! :P)

and also, i promise to share how God is currently working on my life - the faith goals He revealed to me during the first week of the year fast, the challenges He is working on for me to face, and even the new beginnings He opened up. so far, i've been really enjoying His lead, and i couldn't think of any other way spending this year.

i promise, to reveal them to you little bits at a time. hihi. here's to really braving 2013! :)

The Promises of 2012

everything about this year was too fast, too full. memories of good and not-so-good times filled the year. moments of joy and pain, challenges and victories, breakthroughs and setbacks brought so much color into this year. i experienced tears from pain i never had before, but at the same time new found happiness that kept me alive. i am most grateful this year for God's peace, for with whatever i went through, i felt secure. i felt His comforting hand touching my heart and giving me hope and strength.

and in all of those times, i held on and moved on with life because of the words that kept me going. the power of daily Bible reading and prayer is indeed strong; it really made me stand during down times and made my heart humble on those times i was on a high.

as this year ends, i decided to share on this blog the words that encouraged me this year. as some would reminisce of the best memories, i thought of looking back into how God has been faithful to me through His word. if there was one thing that remained consistent the year in my life, it was His promises. i've had gained much this year, but i lost a few too. this year allowed me to grow and be strengthened in Him.

i started off this year (and blog, hehe) claiming that this would be a year of fulfilling God's promises. and true enough, His words became alive in my life. :)

Psalm 30:5
"For his anger lasts inly a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning."

Habbakkuk 3:19
"The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like a feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights."

Luke 4:18-19
"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."

Mark 10:27
"With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God."

Isaiah 40:29-31
"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

Psalm 9:10
"..for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you."

Philippians 4:7
"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Job 5:18
"For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal."

Romans 8:38 (NLT)
"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow - not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love."

James 1:3
"..because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." That is why for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

1 Corinthians 15:57-58
"But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."

2 Corinthians 4:16-17
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."

Nehemiah 8:10
"Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength."

Psalm 18:30
"As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him."

Hebrews 11:40
"God had planned something better for us so that only together with us they would be made perfect."

to end this year and on to starting the new one, this is the word i have received:

"So do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand." - Isaiah 41:10

this 2012 has been a year of strengthening, preparations for greater things ahead. this coming year, looking forward to conquering fears and developing courage. facing 2013 with nothing but faith and more promises of a better future.

grateful how 2012 made me strong.

and to a braver year ahead - CHEERS 2013!

"God has brought you too far to leave you where you are. He has something great in your future!"
- Joel Osteen

'tis the season to be jolly

WHY HELLOOOOO!

i know, i know.. i haven't been updating this blog for quite sometime. too much has happened, yes. i still can't figure where and how to start blogging about what has happened since, well, the last time i blogged.

for now, i'm just praying really hard about what to look forward to for the coming year. this year has been one good roller coaster ride, too many ups, and of course, downsides as well. but with what i've had recently, i'm getting disheartened and losing hope of what to "want" for. if there's anything i could ask for, it would be that i wish i can know everything. but, i am no God right? too far from being one.

with all of these thoughts and wishes, i just pray for more strength. grateful to have people around me who have "been there, done that", whom i can seek for encouragement and hope. one thing i've learned this year that has been consistent - God has something better in store. with this promise, i feel His peace.

so anyway highway, i've finally felt excited for the Christmas season. i know, it's just a few days away - i'm such a late bloomer, hahaha. the cold night breeze has arrived, after having summer-y heat for the early December days. and the only Christmas party celebration i always look forward to - the ballet company party - will be tonight! and with the gifts i've already prepared, i'm excited to give them. (though i still need to get a lot more for last minute shopping, aaaahh!) indeed, i'm beginning to have myself in the season's jolly mode. :)

and to you as well, begin to look into the jolliness of this season! with whatever you're going through, there's always something better to hold on to and believe in. :)
A BLESSED CHRISTMAS SEASON TO YOOOOOOU <3

Acts Manila in Kwerdas at Sayaw: Ang Unang Yugto

ACTS MANILA'S MOST AWAITED PRODUCTION - 

KWERDAS AT SAYAW: ANG UNANG YUGTO!

Finally our most awaited production is going onstage this December 1 & 2, 2012 at the Insular Life Theater in Alabang! Catch the Acts Manila company members and aspirants as they bring to life the message of transformation, with special participation by the scholars of Acts School for the Performing Arts. This show is for the benefit of the Philemon Academy Foundation, Inc.

Kwerdas at Sayaw: Ang Unang Yugto

December 1 & 2, 2012 at 6pm

Insular Life Theater, Insular Life Building, Filinvest Corporate City, Alabang, Muntinlupa City

Ticket prices: P750, P500, P250

For tickets call: 0922 - 890 - 5255 or visit us at Acts School for the Performing Arts, 2nd Flr., Molito Bldg., Madrigal Ave. cor. Alabang-Zapote Rd., Muntinlupa City

THIS IS SOMETHING YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO MISS! GET YOUR TICKETS NOW. :)

Cornetto's Black & White

and the first ever commercial that i got to be part of..

of course it had to be ballet! enjoyed doing this because of its fun and unique concept. it has always been hiphop x ballet fusion because of how opposite these two are - indeed a black & white sort of thing. enjoy watching this new commercial, while trying out Cornetto's Black & White! yummy one, ya'know. ;)

thankful for this awesome experience.
making His name known in every opportunity available, through Acts Manila. <3

the Phantom inside my mind

AAAAAAND FINALLY, IT'S OFF MY BUCKET LIST!

as previously blogged over here, anticipation of September 5 has finally come to an end. and i was soooooo excited (actually an understatement!) since the moment i woke up until i sat down on my theatre seat. the day i'll see the Phantom, the day of a dream fulfilled!

DISCLAIMER: spoilers ahead. i will really write DETAILED experiences over here, so if you'd see the Phantom, do not read this first, mehehe. this might kill your amazement. come back to this after you've seen it, and let us relive those memories altogether!

a date with the Phantom enjoyed with these best girlies - Angela, Alyssa, and Shek + Cale! ♥

almost off my bucket list

it was a stressful morning. since last night, i've been praying to God to give us 4 balcony 1 seats for tomorrow's (wednesday) show. when i finally called TicketWorld this morning, lo and behold.. tickets are sold out. but before the bad news sunk into me, i've heard the BEST NEWS - the student discount has been extended until the last day of the show! NOW PREACH ABOUT HOW GREAT GOD WORKS!

because tickets for The Phantom of the Opera runs out fast, decided to get my ticket this afternoon so i can finally feel SECURED of seeing it. and what's more, i got allowed to reserve the two seats beside me for my two other friends, Angela and Alyssa! we don't have to worry anymore whether we'll still be sitting together or not. all stress down, all set for wednesday next week!

though i felt like my excitement got "bitin", i'm still SO GRATEFUL that i'd be watching this. i was srsly hoping and praying for this since i saw its first ad out. i promised myself i would not miss THIS one. and yes, it's part of God's plan for me to see this. :)

secured my ticket for the show, i just have to go and see it finally so it's off my bucket list!
(taken from my instagram)

i'm too excited, i can't wait any longerrrr.... THE PHAAAAAAAANTOM OF THE OPERA IS HEEEEEEERE!

the bookworm in me

i've always been a fan of reading, ever since i was a kid. because we had this bookshelf filled with illustrated storybooks (mostly of Bible stories), i fell in love with reading and getting lost in the wonders of the stories. in school, it was never a chore for me to do readings (note: novels and story-related readings, not geeky-slash-nerdy science stuff or whatever, but i can barely survive). way back in high school, i can finish a book in one sitting - that's how into it i get when it comes to reading.

i read more for relaxing and stress-relieving, rather than for learning. i mostly like feel good books and inspirational ones. i read mostly fiction, but not much of those mystery-thriller types. i prefer those with happy endings (haha, so fairytale-ish), but i also prefer reading ones that would make me think and emotional.

anyway, since i got my iPhone early this year, i got so excited with the iBooks app. finally i can carry around a "library" with me anywhere, without any bulk, and i can read anytime! since then, i've filled it with books that i've been wanting to read for so long, and new ones that i feel are expensive for me to buy! grateful for all these free epub books downloading site, i've been saving a lot of money (HAHA) and it fills up my "library"! now i have so much to read, i wish i can have MORE time!

currently on my 11th book til i complete my reading challenge for this year. i made my reading challenge more "workable" this year, 12 books assuming 1 book per month, because last year i set my goal to 20 and didn't get to reach even half! (i was soooo busy then too, and not so much money to buy books! haha, being defensive!) i feel proud of myself for being able to go through with the challenge and being (according to Goodreads) 3 books ahead of schedule! and, i still have waaaaaay more books in store in my library that i HOPE i can read all of them by this year. :>

current books on my itunes library! book count: 20 books.
done with 7 of them, currently reading one. 

before i started reading from my "library", i was able to buy 3 books for the first 3 months of the year. i blogged the first one over here, which sadly, i wasn't able to continue doing with the rest. :( i'll just give a brief run down of the ones i loved, and some others:

top 3 favorites:
• John Green's The Fault in Our Stars
oh how i love Augustus Waters! :")
• Stephen Chbosky's The Perks of Being a Wallflower
read it because the movie's coming out soon, but i fell in love with it more than i thought!
• Lauren Oliver's Before I Fall
how she writes those thrills.. i cannot explain. once you start it, you won't be able to bring it down.

books i'm excited to read:
• Why We Broke Up (Daniel Handler)
• Will Grayson, Will Grayson (mainly because John Green and David Levithan are the authors, haha)
• Delirium Trilogy (Lauren Oliver)

anyway, i record what i've been reading and planning to read on my Goodreads profile. you're welcome to add me there as a friend! though i still haven't explored that so much, i promise to update it soon (and more often, hihi). nerd much, i know.

PS. any other recommended readings? i have no plans to read the Fifty Shades trilogy, not a fan of those kinds of books.

on cheating

(reblogged on tumblr via themorninglight)

something i found online a few years ago: Cheating happens when you start looking for what you don’t have.

Somewhere along the way, you will meet someone who will be more charming or sensitive than the one you’re already with. more sexy. more thoughtful. wealthier. better in bed. and you will meet someone who will need you and pursue you and go loco over you more than your boyfriend/girlfriend ever did. because no boyfriend/girlfriend is perfect. because your boyfriend/girlfriend will only have 90 percent of what you’re looking for. So, cheating happens when you look for the missing 10 percent.

Lets say your girlfriend is melancholic by nature. You may find yourself drawn to the pretty girl next-door who has a cheerleader laugh no matter what she says: I broke my arm yesterday, ha ha ha… Or because your girlfriend is a couch potato who is always in pajamas and smelling of garlic and cooking oil, you may fall for the CK-One-smelling colleague who comes to work in a sharp pinstripe blazer, high heels, and a red pencil-cut skirt. Or because your boyfriend is the type who never shuts up even when you’ve tried using duct tape, your heart may skip a beat when you sit next to a brooding, mysterious Latino on the bus.

but wait! Thats only 10 percent of what you don’t have. Don’t throw away the 90 percent that you already do! add to the 90 percent the 100 percent that represents all the years that you have been with each other. The storms you have weathered together. The many adjustments you have made to better understand each others little quirks and idiosyncrasies. The wealth of memories that you have accumulated as lovers. The old sparks that can always be rekindled by the walk on the beach, barefoot and underneath the stars…

Cheating happens when you start looking for what you don’t have. but faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you already do.

a tribute to summer days

since last week, it has been raining every single day, and then now - it has been non-stop. as i've mentioned in this blog not so long ago, i'm really not a fan of rainy days. i prefer those bright sunny days of summer, than this rainy season.

and with that, i'm missing more of those summer days. warning: you'll be flooded with my best summer memories / photos from recent years.

let's start with 2012: the memorable Fontana experience last June! it was our first out of town sleepover + swimming trip with college (aka dudung-slash-super) friends. we did mostly swimming and eating, then watched adele's concert + a bit of one more chance. epic fail moment: we slept through the whole morning! goodbye early swimming / basketball / jogging / watch manny pacquiao fight / breakfast outside and those other plans. nagkahiyaan na mag-gisingan, ang sarap kasi ng tulog! hahaha!

epic Fontana moments with Angela, Alyssa, Gerald, Marcell, and Dotay.
super friends = super love <3

tourist photo moments! at the entrance of the water park, by the bleachers at the olympic pool area,
by the man-made waterfalls, and the bridge. fontana tour talaga! :D

my favorite group shot! courtesy of Dotay, hehe. 

for 2011, the most memorable one was Acts Manila's HK Missions Trip. it started to rain already in Manila when we left for HK, but since it still fell on the supposedly summer months, included na siya in this tribute! mehehehe.

we danced in several churches and schools, went around the city for prayer walk, and had time together with artists from HK Disneyland through another EN branch in HK. it was a really awesome first time experience of ministering to others through dance, and in a different country. can't wait for the next missions trip!

and as a "surprise" treat, HK Disneyland on our last full day! it was part of our city tour!

at the Avenue of Stars - city tour first stop!
(or jewelry thing?)

yay, finally in Disneyland! <3

of course, it had to be in ballet poses! :")

2010: first out of town trip with the dudungs! destination: Subic! funny how we got there, coz we were just planning on having a swimming day in Marcelo Village just here in the south. but then, Angela had this trip pala with her family to Subic on the same day we planned on the swimming. so, instead of canceling and postponing, they (the Dorio family) just invited us to come with them - and so the Subic trip! the beginning of endless fun with ze dudungs!

Dudung Day with Gerald, Tracy, Angela, and Tringy!

mehehe, i love this picture :")

mehehe, i love you friends <3 

2009: Anilao - the overnight beach adventure with HS batchmates! i srsly didn't get any sleep during that trip. but anyway, it was fun having to cook and prepare our own food, haha. and that boat ride to the beach with sand. (sadly, this was the last beach trip i have so far with HS friends! :| i wonder when's the next one? hihi)

yo food preps!

boat ride to the beach + swimming time

aahhh best HS friends :")

fave! *insert hearts here*

insert: some pretty sunrise shots. (told ya, didn't get to sleep!)

2008: i'm giving two best summer memories from this year. let's start with the beach trip to Laiya with HS batchmates! this was the first one i've had with them. fun fun, of course!

why hello there :)

♥

favorite couple - iel and cej! they have so much photos from that trip, haha.
cutieeeee, miss 'em both so much!

that jump shot

i lalalalalalove this photo just because. 

and for the second part of 2008: the sleepover + swimming surprise for Teacher Chelo! it's THE BEST ever (so far) that we've had! we did all the photos + scrapbook stuff (insert wii moments) until about 4am. then the next morning, swimming surprise! epic and fun; there's just so much love with the ballet buds! <3 <3 <3

such a productive sleepover! (time check: around 4am)

the pretty photo string to welcome Teacher Chelo

The Company of Acts, 2008 :)

we are cool and fun

so much lovin' for these girlsssss! :")

i'm srsly missing summer days. i actually enjoyed doing this because i'd get to browse and reminisce memories. i hope mr. sun decides to finally come out tomorrow. i'm tired of the rains and they make me want to cry all the time already, haha. anyway, summer days, i long to see you soon. (even though you're still so many months away)