Friday, April 18, 2014

time flies, or maybe skyrockets

ola, i would like to say thank you because, despite of me being very much inactive in updating this blog, i've still been getting even a few views every now and then. thank you for keeping my only space alive, weeeee. :")

i can't believe April is almost done. since my last update, i just bid goodbye to 2013 and welcomed 2014. it seems i just wrote it a few weeks ago, but in truth it feels like ages since then. saying that so much has happened since then is an understatement. it has been a wildly hectic first quarter of the year. (i was sick for the whole month of March, with fever coming and going, and then again + lost my voice, and not to mention there was one night i woke up throwing up! spell PAGOD!) with weekdays and weekends fully-loaded, i felt time was just passing me by. days went by too fast as things get done a day at a time. i felt that with more things i get done, the more the days are going by before me. i knew there was enough time before me, but i felt like i was running out of it.

nevertheless, there are so many things that i'm grateful for. still being on the first quarter of the year, i've had faith goals achieved already. prayers have been answered. plans have been confirmed. God has been teaching me to live according to His timetable. right now it seems that i've been being taken too fast, but when i look into His answers, those have been long-time goals and prayers. it might have taken me too long to receive His answers, but it was the right time to receive them. i would not have learned on how to hold on to Him tighter and trusted in Him deeper if i had received those answers right away. time might have passed by already waiting for God's responses, but i felt progress and growth. none of these i would have realized if things just came in an instant.

during one of our life 101 sessions after rehearsals, i received this word from Shek about time. that i should not think of it running out, or coming in too fast. that i should take it a day at a time, enjoying the "now". there are days when i really get very very very impatient, and some days that i feel like i'm being dragged on to get by. time can consume and control us, but we can choose to enjoy and live by it. it is really hard for me to keep waiting, for being the organized OC that i am, i have a lot on my mental to-do list that needs to be ticked. waiting may sometimes be the hardest part, but the lesson is there. it is not mainly on the goal, but the process.

i might wake up tomorrow realizing it's already September. but hey, there are still a lot of days in between now and then. there are still more days to enjoy and look forward to (and yes, more hectic days ahead). i seriously want time to pause for a while and let me catch up. but it waits for no one; either you seize the day or regret it. in God's timing, He will never take us too slow nor too fast. it will always be the right time for us. it will always be better to look into His timing and hold on to His speed rather than relying on the calendar's turn.

it's Friday today, wow it's the weekend already??

PS. i also celebrated my birthday last week, turning a year older huhu. but i'm blessed to be 24. it may sound old by now (and it feels like it too!), but i can't be more grateful that i am where i am right now at this age. i still have a long way to go, but i know i've gone far enough already by this time. God has been faithful; He has loved me for 24 years and has never left my side, imagine that?!

birthday cake + balloons + flowers and a gorgeous portrait
from my Acts Manila family :")

what a surprise, surprise from Acts Manila! 

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Dear 2013

when i started this year with the faith goal of facing it "bravely", i seriously had no idea how i would do it. i had no idea what i was up to. the challenges you had for me. the fears i would be facing. the ways on how i would be dealing with courage. in that moment i just thought, well, this is a good assignment to take on for the year. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

now looking back, i never thought accepting that challenge would be my first "bravery" act. being the OC that i am, i always prefer to know details before giving my yes. but with this, blinded and taking everything by faith, i just went on with it. i'm glad i did. yes, i'm glad that i started the year willing to take risks and just let God lead me through. well, so we've got a good start there huh, haha.

i'm thankful that you've taken me beyond my limits, my capabilities, and most importantly beyond my fears. your year may not have been the best one, nor the worst, but you've been like one of those "necessary measures" that i had to take to be able to become better, stronger, more equipped and prepared. going through this journey, you've made me realize what else i can do and who i can still be. you've given me instances ranging from easy-peasy to ultimately heart-breaking that proved my courage. you've brought me to mourning day and night, but i've seen more of God's love holding me on. oh 2013 you've never been easy; truly tough, but the results are worth going through those pains.

you've taught me how to face my fears, and now i've never been as encouraged to deal with them. you've brought me to a deep loss, yet you've showed me what else i have to look after. you've given me a lot, but you also took away, keeping me reminded that things will come and go. you've shown me worthy ones to keep and those whom will stand by me no matter what. most of all, you've proven that God will be forever faithful - in the highs and lows, in joy and in tears, in abundance and in emptiness.

i'm grateful to where you've taken me in this life's journey. your chapter may have already been done, but i will forever carry those lessons you've had for me. you have brought change in my life that i am grateful for and growth that would prove how i'll be standing in the future storms. i may not be completely fear-free, but definitely fearless in dealing with them. courage has proven its existence in my life, and being brave will now be part of dealing whatever this life has to offer.

THANK YOU, 2013! you've made me conquer fears and take on bravery. faith goal achieved! your life lessons will definitely come in handy this new season. i am now more confident in facing 2014, with God's promises of "new" things.

"But forget all that - it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland." ~ Isaiah 43:18-19 NLT

adios, 2013 - OLA 2014!
CHEERS FOR THE NEW YEAR, NEW BREAKTHROUGHS!

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

the wonderful news about the love of God

i was going through Dug Down Deep by Joshua Harris this morning, and i was on the chapter discussing about God in His greatness yet being so personal with us.

i know it struck me already the first time i read it, but this morning it gave me a different feel. on his discussion about God's love, i just had to stop and meditate on what His love is really about.

the lines from the book that got me:
"The love of God is wonderful news only when we understand his transcendence - when we tremble at his holiness, when we're awed by his perfection and power. God's love is perceived as amazing only when we realize that the one thing we truly deserve from him is righteous wrath and eternal punishment for our disobedience and loyalty."
most of us think that His love for us is something about us - we being lost creatures and bound to die, and because He doesn't want that to happen, He demonstrated His love for us by sending His Son, Jesus Christ. BUT God doesn't need us to be able to justify his being God. His love for us is for His eternal glory, that through our lives we would reveal His goodness and grace.

as humans we are sinners, considered as God's "enemies" for He hates sin.
so we do not deserve His love, yet it is freely available to us.
His love defines our salvation, our eternal gratitude for being rescued from hell and living in worship in heaven.

yes, we do always hear people saying that "God loves us". at times when we receive blessings, we always claim that "God loves me". and also, we encourage others with "God loves you" when we feel that they need to hear it. but do we really understand for ourselves what His love means to us?

Understanding the love of God (view on my instagram)

His love for us should not make us boast that a God is in love with a mere human, but rather it should make us fall on our knees, realizing that we don't deserve anything from a Holy God. His love should leave us amazed at His goodness.

"When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them? You have made them a little lower than angels and crowned them with glory and honor." - Psalm 8:3-5

"This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so no one need to be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn't go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again." - John 3:16-17 MSG
"But the greatest glory of the Cross is what it tells me about God. A God of justice and mercy. A God who loved helpless sinners like me so much that he came to die so we could be free to know and worship him for eternity." - Joshua Harris, Dug Down Deep (Chapter 3: Near But Not in My Pocket)

Thursday, September 19, 2013

#bravery2013: the AGP week

it has been a month since the AGP week. i really wanted to blog about the whole experience while we were there, but actually until now i still cannot describe how amazing it was. it's like you have to be there to fully understand what i mean, hehe. but well yeah, the least i can do to "bring" you there with me is to share about it. so here i am, recalling that whole week a month ago, which still seems to me like it was just.. last week.

i still cannot get over the overwhelming fact that i've been there in Hong Kong to go through the Asian Grand Prix. so many times i've srsly wished that it would just be a "pleasure" trip of just shopping, going around, relaxing in a different city, and all that tourist thingy. even though that was what i really wanted to do, i know it won't be as memorable. those shopping and #RealLifeHK adventures were just "side features" of an already remarkable trip.

and as you've read on my previous entries (in case you haven't, do it like NOW before you proceed! hehe joke lang but GO), taking on to this assignment was more than having my first competition experience. it was really a gesture of me conquering my fears. going through the process was tougher than actually dancing on the competition stage. seeing my competitors was less frightening than facing the finances i would have to complete to be able to leave. and when i finally got there, i really couldn't hold my tears back anymore realizing how God has brought me to such a height just to mold me to become better. there was nothing that can ever stop me anymore from fulfilling what He has called me to do.

the Acts Manila team upon arrival at the Hong Kong airport

so anyway. we arrived a day before the actual competition date, giving us enough time to settle in, rest, and go around. since our (senior division) competition wasn't until Thursday (we arrived Monday), we had like 3 days of "freedom", hehe. we went to Mongkok on Monday - first stop was H&M! Tuesday, we decided to check out Cotton On in the Central district, but we got lost in those huge stores of Louis Vuitton, Tiffany & Co., Georgio Armani.. you name it. so we ended up going straight to our main destination in Causeway Bay - Forever21! 4 floors of shopping heaven that we had to go through in a limited time, haha. and since the competition officially opened Tuesday, we were at the Y-Theater that evening to support the Junior As - Lormaigne, Pia, Claire, and Alex for their elimination round. it was my first time to see those foreign competitors and whoa those kids, it's amazing what they can already do at ages 10-12! when i was their age, my dancing was still just for "fun" and something i do at the sides, but with them it seems like they were already born for it. and mind you, that wasn't only for the girls, but there were boys too who were serious about their dancing as well! i wonder where they get it at that age? (their dedication, i mean. and maybe also their extensive abilities too good for their age hahaha)

at the Y-Theatre, AGP competition venue

the most convenient transportation in HK - the MTR!
no hassle in getting to the theatre + back to the hotel, and we didn't get lost when we went around to shop -
follow the stations and remember the exits, haha!

we woke up Wednesday morning with the news that HK is under typhoon signal number 8. we should be panicking, right? but maybe since because we were raised in the Philippines, we were really wondering, "eto na yung signal number 8?! eh mas-malakas pa low pressure area satin dito eh!" yeah, i still don't understand how they "measure" their typhoons, but srsly they were too cautious about the effects it might bring. we've gathered that before they had a really bad typhoon that they weren't warned about and they were badly damaged. i guess they learned from that and became more prepared, better than being sorry. (i wonder kelan kaya mangyayari yun in the Philippines? after so manyyyyyyy typhoons, wala pa ring "lesson learned"?!) so anyway, since it was typhoon 8, there were work suspensions and some closed stores. even the competition schedule for the day had to be adjusted. we had to stay in the whole morning, waiting for announcements about the typhoon and the final schedule for the day. around 2pm, they lifted the typhoon 8 signal and lowered it, thus allowing some work to resume and the competition to proceed as well. good thing the only division scheduled for that day was the Junior B, no other major adjustment except that the whole thing would end later than the original schedule. there were over 70 competitors for that division, having 3 batches, where Steffi, Abby, Kiara, Bianchi, Joshua, Danina, and IƱigo competed from our group. watching that division, i became more nervous for me, haha! expectations were becoming higher as the competitors get older, and srsly they're all so technically good - thin and loooooong bodies with BOTH extensions and turns! though there were good ones, there were really meh (aka not-so-good) ones too. watching the competition enabled me to gain a "technical" eye, seeing what we can still possibly push ourselves to do and improve.

the Junior Bs - Steffi, Abby, Kiara, and Bianchi

and our turn has finally arrived - Thursday. we had to prepare early to leave for the theatre a little after lunch. our competition schedule came in right after Junior C, so too bad we weren't able to watch that division, where Carla, Patricia, Cheska, Sofia, and Jayson competed. so anyway. we had our own warm up class and rehearsal at the studio. then we were called to finally come down to the theatre. we had 15 minutes to "feel" the stage before we start. i say only "feel" because everyone's there too and you won't have the luxury of space to complete the variation. it was only enough to look for center, where to spot, determine where to go. not even block completely, haha. so anyway. while waiting at wings, i was really praying in tongues the whole time because i can't manage my nerves anymore, haha. i get more nervous while waiting. when it was finally my turn, all i was able to tell myself was, "and to my fears, i'm gonna conquer you now."

with Shek and Melvin during our studio rehearsal before our competition turn!

there was nothing spectacular that i did with my variation, and it didn't even feel perfect afterwards. i didn't slip either, miss a step, or even had a bad ending. all i felt right after was that i was drained. i was soooo tired that i just wanted to leave the theatre right away, dive in bed, and sleep in the hotel. that kind of tired. but all i know after i exited the stage, i was able to fulfill what God has called me to do. and with that, i felt satisfied. all i was able to say was, "thank you, Lord!" as i was catching my breath. i felt i gave Him glory for completing the task that was assigned for me. too many times along the way, i kept forgetting why i was competing and thus letting myself drown in frustrations. but after that moment, i knew i was able accomplish why i was there. and to my fears, i know i've WON over them! by the grace of God.. all because of the grace of God i conquered!

i didn't get through eliminations, so that was the only competition day for me. i felt sad though that i didn't get to perform my second variation, Dryad Queen from Don Quixote (i did Bluebird variation from Sleeping Beauty for eliminations), and even wear my beautiful tutu for that. :( anyway. with what i've realized from being on the competition itself, expectations do really get higher with age. i was the oldest girl from our division (being the last to perform). and since there were younger dancers (and some were waaaaay better - ehem, Joy Womack, 19, from Bolshoi Theatre!), they'd assume i've danced and trained the longest, thus having more expectations from my performance. and that also, dancers who perform more often have an edge in executing cleaner and more refined variations.

our only (and not really clear huhuhu) photo with Joy Womack, the American dancer from Bolshoi Theatre!
she won the highest / over-all Asian Grand Prix Award for this year :")

we were then on a "relax" mode Friday, since we don't have to feel the competition pressure anymore for ourselves, haha. we watched the master classes the next day, for Junior B and Seniors, and the semi-final round too. after, we went back to Mongkok to finally buy some things we weren't able to buy the first time since we were saving our money, haha. we also got to try some legit milk tea + some street food. we indeed went to being adventurous that day, haha. and of course, adventures won't be complete without a hilarious moment at the MTR (clue: Jimmy Neutron hahahahaha). for Saturday, we were back to the theatre in the morning for Junior C's master class, their semi-final round, and the final round for the Junior A. and thennnn, returned to a bigger H&M for more shopping, hahaha. (basically we were in the theatre the whole week, seeing classical variations over and over again. i swear i don't want to hear Swan Lakes Pas de Trois variation over the next year. Aurora is next in line haha).

the most epic Friday Mongkok Adventure - shopping + food + the hilarious MTR moment :))
this wins the most tourist-y thing we've done the whole week, hahaha!

and for Sunday, since there was no other agenda but the Gala and Awarding ceremony at night, Shek and i took the advantage of finally sleeping in the whole morning. for lunch, we finally tried their instant noodles from the Wellcome grocery that we've been wanting to experience the whole week hahaha! so anyway, for the Gala night, they showcased previous AGP winners and the principal dancers from the Hong Kong Ballet. and then the awarding came in right after. we had two entries who made it to the final round, Lormaigne and Pia from Junior A, so we were nervous about the results too. it gave me such pride when the Filipino competitors were commended during the speech of the Head Judge, Mr. Gary Tninder. he mentioned something about how they got entertained by the Filipinos the whole week performing with such talent and passion. (there are a lot of Filipino delegates who also participated from Ballet Manila, Steps, and even other ballet schools from the provinces - Cebu, Iloilo, and Baguio. yeah Filipino pride!) but the pride that i felt that's more dear to me was when Pia got announced placing 5th and Lormaigne for the bronze medal - Acts Manila pride, baby! being the youngest in our group, God has blessed them with a reward for using their talents to represent Him and glorify Him in this stage. Soli Deo Gloria! :")

Lormaigne and Pia before their turn for the Junior A finals
the Acts Manila team during the Gala Night / Awarding Ceremony

indeed that week brought me to new experiences, insights, and visions. seeing dancers from other countries enabled me to rethink of my standards and push for my limits, both as a dancer and as a teacher. being there myself is so much different from just hearing about competition stories. when they first came from there in 2011, what Teacher Chelo has been sharing about the mutants seem insignificant, probably because we didn't get to personally see them. but now they are finally real to me because i've already experienced what they can do. being around them pushes you to aim higher and makes you realize that pwede pa pala to, kaya pang gawin!

and with the competition process, i know i became stronger and more importantly, braver. i couldn't imagine any other way where i can experience God working in this area. and all the events that led to this has helped me face my fears with more determination to conquer them. God has been truly faithful, and there's no way i can doubt Him again after what He has done for me this round. no matter what happens, His words will remain true and His promises are always fulfilled.

if i were to do this again.. maybe. if God would then call me to compete, who am i to say no?


"For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world.. so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, 'Let the one who boasts, boasts in the Lord.'" - 1 Corinthians 1:26-31 ESV

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

the week that has finally arrived

..and i never thought i would reach this far.

me and Shek on the plane bound for HK!
TOUCHDOWN HK! :)

Monday, August 12 - we arrived here in Hong Kong for the Asian Grand Prix competition that will open Tuesday, August 13. the week that we have been preparing for monthsssss is finally culminating. and in that journey, bittersweet it may seem, God has been truly faithful.

as i've previously shared on this blog, God has given me this assignment to be able to face and conquer my fears. and now the time has come to overcome them onstage. God has already fulfilled His part of answering for all of my needs in this journey. now, i'm holding on to His word that as i finally conquer the stage, His hand won't leave me until the end.

yes, i am so nervous. yes, i am still frightened. yes, i still feel that i am not good enough.
but God being the faithful God that He is, has been giving me strength and courage that i would need. i used to wish for this to be over as soon, but now that the end is approaching, all the more i'm cherishing every single moment there is. this has been a one-of-a-kind experience for me, not only because it is my first, but God has really proven His love and greater plans for me.

i wonder how this will end.
no matter what competition result i would get, i would still be thankful i went through this.
that no matter what happens, i would still be so grateful to have witnessed God's greatness in my life.
because i went through this, i know i've already glorified my God. :")