but.. i don't want to be JUST the body.
i felt frustrated because even though i do everything "technically correct", there was something missing. there was something lacking that makes me unnoticed. that's where frustration hits me. i know i will never be good enough, but i cannot feel any progress.
i was told i was thinking too much. i was challenged to let my heart out. tried it out, i felt more frustrated. i cannot not think, i get so lost. i was so conscious to let go. crying out to God every night, i asked Him why i feel this. where is my heart going wrong?
and then today (tuesday) arrived. this morning, i had an encouraging word from God. i also held on to that feeling He gave me that there would be something good that will happen today. i prayed and asked God to just let Him work through.
and so He did. through a guest dance missionary, Juanine Sampson, He gave answers to all my questions. it allowed me discover purpose in dancing and how to minister through it. and to my most important question of where is my heart going wrong, He answered me with: "prayer and preparation".
we were given time to just rest in God's presence earlier and just seek Him. and from there on, i felt God moving. through the music "Work of Art", He gave these words:
"You are my work of art. You. I molded you to be perfect in form and created you to be technically good. There was nothing missing nor wrong when I created you. All I need from you is to show how beautiful and colorful I made you to be. Don't be afraid of losing yourself, for when they look at you, they won't see you, but who I am. You are my work of art."
with those words, i felt my breakthrough. i was humbled knowing God was the one at work in me. i was strengthened when He told me that people will see Him through me. and as a follow-up, He assured me with, "When you prepare and pray for something, what can go wrong?"
dancing as worship isn't about the technical aspect, but your soul and spirit leading others to Him. being technically good is the bonus part because people will consider watching and looking at you. my being square is not an accident, nor a negative point on my part (though i really thought at this point that it was). God showed me that my being "square" will be the one that would capture the eyes of the audience, and how i dance would captivate their hearts.
"When you dance, something should turn."